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Land of painfully slow Internet

It is said that if you want to know how people really are, you should give them a computer with a glacially slow internet connection. When it comes to patience, Germans must be second to none. The economic powerhouse of Europe and home of the warp-speed Autobahn also happens to be the land of painfully slow internet.

Expat Gone Foreign, Internet Connection, slow speed , Germany infrastructure,

As of February 2020, Germany ranks 39th on broadband speed in a global scale, and is painfully below the European average. The situation is even more staggering for mobile data. According to the BNetzA report from 2017, only 1.6% of users were getting the speed promised by their providers, and only 18% reached half the speed contractually agreed upon.

While the world frantically switches to 5G technology, here I am, staring at the screen while this post is finally uploaded. I guess I could brew some tea in the meantime, maybe pay a visit to my family… even pick a new career, get a degree, found a business, retire and move to Singapore. You know, whatever happens first.

The Paperwork Cult

I’m starting to believe that German bureaucrats belong to some sort of cult – the paperwork cult. Its members hide in plain sight, spend hours in their filing fortresses, feed on officially approved certificates and have mental Bescheinigasms 1 every time they use their seal to stamp a document. 

Truth be told, dealing with paperwork in Germany seems pretty straight-forward, at least compared to other countries. However, the system has a catch: the daunting amount of documents, forms and certificates necessary to accomplish any task, which makes any bureaucratic procedure a highly intimidating and time-consuming experience. At times I even think that the system is so convoluted so that you give up halfway through the process. Oh, and don’t get me started on the Amtsprache 2.

I wonder if Germans have ever thought about simplifying their system. If they were to, it would go like this:

Expat Gone Foreign, tXc, Paperwork cult, paperworkmania, German bureaucracy, Bürokratie

 

If you liked this strip, check out The Anatomy of a Beamter to unravel the secrets behind the insatiable bureaucratic monster.