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British Politeness

“Getting around in the UK will be a piece of cake, I’m already fluent in English!” – Boy, was I wrong. I had to learn how to read between the lines, a skill only found in the British genome.

You see, successful communication in Britain is all about the implied meaning rather than what is actually said. In fact, Brits are the best at not getting to the point. But worry not! Here is a comprehensive guide to decipher the cultural enigma of British politeness.

Expat Gone Foreign, tXc, culture clashes comics, British politeness, life abroad

If you liked this strip, check out British sinks.

Foreign, not deaf

Human interactions are fascinating, especially when the people involved in the linguistic exchange don’t share a common language. Picture the following scenario: a native speaker attempts to communicate with a foreigner. The native says something and the non-native looks puzzled. Then the native repeats the exact same thing in the exact same order and speed, just 30 decibels louder. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

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My hearing works perfectly, thank you very much. I’m foreign, not deaf. Shouting is not going to magically make me speak your language or understand words that I haven’t previously learnt. Rephrase, use simpler structures, find more basic vocabulary… anything but yelling.

Two people don’t need a common language to communicate. They just need to be willing to understand each other.

British Sinks

Being abroad can be a nerve-racking adventure in which even the most common daily routines become a hilarious challenge. Take washing your hands for instance. British sinks are the place where dragon fire meets penguin tears. They have two taps: the hot one will scald your hands, whereas the cold one will shatter them into frozen pieces. So, why do British sinks have separate taps for hot and cold water? Foreigners around the world have asked themselves that question for decades.Expat Gone Foreign, tXc, British sinks, cold and warm water taps, faucets

Back in the day when our grandparents were toddlers, houses didn’t have hot running water, just cold water that came from a main supply. Later on, hot water systems were added separately to each building for safety and health reasons.

British plumbers were concerned about the pressure difference between cold and warm water. The first came from a main supply with a much higher pressure than the latter, which was stored in a tank inside each house and relied on gravity. In case of an imbalance of pressures, one stream could force its way into the other and pose a number of problems.

There were also health risks involved. Old tanks were made of galvanized steel, which corrodes easily; and they didn’t usually have a proper lid, which made the tank an AquaLand for errant birds, distracted insects and sweaty rodents in need of a swim. Squatting fauna aside, hot water sitting in an attic tank was not considered safe to drink, for it created the optimal conditions for bacteria like legionella to proliferate and wreak havoc on human stomachs. So, what did the Brits do? They came up with regulations to keep them separate and prevent the hot water contaminating the cold water supply.

You might be thinking: “Sure, but that was YEEEARS ago. Why haven’t they switched to mixer taps yet?” – Well, in a word: tradition. Whereas continental Europe reinvented its water supply system after the war, Britain rebuilt its houses clinging onto the separate taps tradition. Chances are that mixer taps will take over in the future, but in the meantime, have fun flapping your hands between the two taps when washing them.Expat Gone Foreign, tXc, travel and language comics, tea, United Kingdom, British problems

* Eurovision Special *

Most Americans have never heard of Eurovision, and those who have, think of it as some sort of gay Super Bowl. I understand why this event might be puzzling for the American folks, but WE love it – of course we do, it has the word “euro” in it.
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My American sweetie pie witnessed his first Eurovision Song Contest back in 2016. He was skeptical at first, but halfway through the show he gave in. Pretty much like most things in Europe, the event just sucks you in. And it’s easy to see why it is such a blast:

~ The sense of togetherness

Historically speaking, Europeans haven’t always been nice to each other. However, at least once a year we put aside our differences and celebrate our kinship through music, our common language.

~ The vibrant mixture of cultures, languages and traditions

Despite the fact that Eurovision performances have become more and more mainstream and most artists choose English for their lyrics, deep down each song displays the identity of its country. Like attending a party, everyone brings a different flavor to the table, and the result is a very colorful portrait of one big European family.

~ The historical value

The first Eurovision Song Contest was hosted in Switzerland in 1956, which makes the show an event with a long-standing tradition. It’s genuinely interesting to watch former editions and see how music and values have evolved over the decades.

~ The authenticity

Whether you are a conventional, professional musician or use a watering can as a trumpet; whether you pull off a traditional opera show or a seizure-inducing pyrotechnic spectacle, no one is going to judge your craziness. Sing, dance, bounce around, just get on stage and have fun doing whatever it is that makes you happy. Zero fucks given, just be yourself!

Not convinced yet? Try it yourself! Happy Eurovision! : )